December 3rd, 2005
kill me
I’m stuck here, and if somebody wouldn’t stop me from killing myself, im kidding, I’ll commit suicide. Hahaha.. I’m so desperate. Sheeshh, how could I be so dang stupid dang.. funny. Weird expressions.. weird words. Still haven’t uploaded photos in my multiply site. The fun memories at ek and at ecka’s luau. Wow. Fun. Last time I had fun was last Sunday. Haha.. I have to get out of this house!! I’m gona be so freakin’(oh I’m sorry, t’was supposed to be friggin..hahaha) insane if I don’t!! I know I have to do some stuff that requires me to stay at home, but come on!! It’s Saturday! And I need some time off. Sick and tired of going to school and laughing for like, 5 mins?! Couldn’t even bare to smile. Been so cranky and so moody. Ugh.. I hate the feeling. Being grounded is fun.. yeah right. Sickening. That’s why I like daria! Huh?! Confused? I am too! Don’t worry, I’m so not myself right now. I should have been in an asylum or something. Paranoia.. Depression.. Feeling extreme emotions. Weird huh?! I like myself right now. Nah!! Hating people.. Loving ‘em. Haha, what’s with me?! What’s with you?! Oh no.. why am I like this? There’s definitely something wrong with me. Or you.. Attended mass yesterday morning. Couldn’t help to feel so sad for myself.. I haven’t learned anything. Stupid me. Hahaha. No, ok seriously.. the moment that I was alone and was in a sacred place.. I felt safe. No worries. Really?! Or I just believed it so that I wouldn’t be distracted and would be able to listen to the priest’s sermon? Don’t care. How am I able to live like this? Being such a cold-hearted and b*tchy person?! Gawd. Is this really me? I’m so tired of being myself. Can I switch places with you? So I’d know how you feel? So I’d know how I’ll be able to be such a mean person like you?! Haha.. angst against.. hmm. Figure it out.. Does it hurt? I didn’t mean to hurt you. Guilty?! Hate me! Hate me for being such a nice person. Hate me for being such an annoying little brat. Who am I talking to? You know who you are. Am I really mad? I’m just playing with your head. Believable is it? I’m tired already. I just miss my friends. I just miss talking to them. Miss spending time with them. I’m so sorry mommy.. hahaha.. paawa effect. I’ll understand someday.. but right now.. ugh!! I hate staying at home.. Panget.. miss you. I’m sorry 
Posted by ria at 12:48 PM | thanks a bunch!
